... I kind of miss CSI Miami. xD
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After buying a pair of Aviators, I used them frequently in a distinctively David Caruso-esque fashion, with varying levels of success. My moment finally came, when, after a remodelling of our school, everyone was confused as to where the different blocks were, and I heard this golden exchange from a (really, really pretty) girl I sit with in the library:
Girl I Have A Major Crush On: I just don't know where any of my classes are any more. I don't know where G-block is, and that's my next lesson!
Me: (Whips out sunglasses) Looks like this is one more G-Spot... (Puts on sunglasses, stares into middle distance) ...that people are having trouble finding. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
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During one of this troper's school plays last year, towards the end of the show, one of the characters said "Looks like once again, Smolder couldn't finish what he started." Cutting her off before she could finish the line, one of the technical crew—from the very back of the theater—calls out "That's what she said!" Cue the entire theater, all the actors offstage, and the actors ON stage laughing uproarously for at least five minutes.
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Just last week he was gushing over an introduction paragraph someone had written for an essay. This teacher has a very specific format he likes us to use: starting with a broad idea and narrowing it down to the specific point(s) of the essay. One of the more...special...people in another class has named this diagram "The Underpants Diagram", because, well, that's how it tends to look when he diagrams it on the board. So, when said teacher was talking about this introduction paragraph, he said (rather loudly and with much random emphasis) "It's PERFECT! It starts up at the band, and goes down to the crotch! [Student], YOUR UNDERPANTS ARE PERFECT!!!" Did I mention the walls of our school are very thin, so everyone in the adjoining classroom likely heard all of this?
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Me: Hey, change to metal or something.
Brother: * ignores*
Me: Geez, people would think you're girlier than I am.
Brother: Oh yeah? Well, you're manlier than I am — WAIT A MINUTE.
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This Troper had an English class where we had to read Moby Dick. Once the announcement had been made that this was the book for the unit, our teacher decided to lampshade the joke. However, we had a rather terrible ditz—about as smart as a box of rocks.
Teacher: All right, let's get this out of the way right now. Let's aaaaall laugh at it—Moby /Dick./ Ha ha.
Class: Heheh. Heh. Heh.
Ditz: I don't get it. What's so funny about Moby Dick?
Class: ...
This situation however became utterly hilarous and left the class unable to breathe once This Troper suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs—
This Troper: HA HA! He said MOBY!!
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This troper bore witness to one on the way home from school. We were talking about geography for some reason, and one of us mentioned latitude and longitude. Connor's response? "What have they got to do with geography?" Blank stares. "Aren't they those things in caves?"
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This Troper was sitting with a friend of hers at lunch in college. She doesn't remember what her friend was saying, but her eyes were wandering. She doesn't know why, but they fixed on this one guy about 3~5 tables over. She watched as he lifted his glass of Iced Tea to his lips...only to have the bottom of the glass fall off. No forewarning, just tea all over his tray and a nice round piece of glass sitting on top of his food. Yeah, everyone who noticed what happened were gripping the table to stop from ROFLMAO'ing.
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This Troper got her own CMoF in her AP English Language Class. We'd gotten some stupid assignment that included, "Write a contrasting clause sentence using a semi-colon." She had been rather punchy the night before and wrote the first thing that came to her head down. Homework tended to be reviewed by going around the class one at a time in order with the questions in order. After the first two homework questions, she did a quick count and realized that she was going to be called on for the semicolon question. When she realized this, she sat and grinned. When the time came, she uttered the phrase, "Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause...kids." The teacher just sat there with an unbelieving look on his face, the arc of students closest to her cracked up immediately. One beat later, the next arc of students out cracked up, one beat later, the next, etc. until the girl in the opposite corner of the room was having it explained to her as the rest of the laughter died away.
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In science class, the teacher says the long name of some chemical and a girl goes, "That's a mouthful." Of course, the guy next to her can't resist saying, "I'm a mouthful." Right in front of the teacher.
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My friend announces the, well, morning announcements at school every morning. During Black History Month, after the normal announcements were over, he would talk briefly about a famous African-American person. One day, as he was talking about one of them, he mentioned that she was forced to work in a brothel when she was young. He said, in front of the entire school, this: "Wow, I wish I worked in a brothel!" And with that, the announcements went off. The girl doing the announcements with him asked him if he knew what a brothel was. He admitted that he didn't. She replied, "Well, you just told the entire school that you want to work in a whorehouse."
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Teacher: And the layer below the cornified layer is the granu-
PA system: * makes a tune to signify beginning of announcement* Boys basketball practices have been cancelled this Thursday due to bad weather.
Teacher: (thinking it's over) As I was saying, the granu-
PA system: I repeat, boys basket ball practices have been cancelled this Thursday.
Teacher: (Beat) Again, the granu-
PA system: Scrabble club meetings will be moved to the assembly hall until further notice. I repeat, scrabble club meetings will be moved to the assembly hall.
Teacher: * stays quiet and stares at the PA system annoyedly*
PA system: ... * makes tune to signify the announcement is over*
Teacher: (Beat) Finally. Now, as I was saying, the layer below is the granular layer, which-
PA system: * makes a tune to signify beginning of another announcement*
Teacher: ... * puts head in her hands while the students burst out laughing*
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... I should get a hobby.
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