I lied.

It is nearly 2 in the morning and I am too psyched to sleep. My internal clock's gonna be majorly screwed up by the time school starts. (Which, technically, is tomorrow.)

LOL CONVERSATION-SCRIPTING TIME :D

(during the "Welcome Aboard" show, while Tex was meeting people in the front row seats)
Tex: Hello, what's your name?
Dude: Ron. [A/N: I think that was it, not sure o_O]
Tex: Nice to meet you Ron, who're you on the cruise with?
Dude: My twelve-year-old daughter [who is sitting beside him]
Tex: Oh alright, hi there. (speaking to daughter) How are you tonight?
Daughter: Tired.
Tex: Haha, well, lemme ask you a question - have you ever tried Red Bull?
Daughter: o_O ... No, and I don't want to.
Tex: You don't want to? Man, that stuff'll keep you up all night. [...] So it's getting to be September, you ready to go back to school yet?
Daughter: .........
Tex: .........
Audience: .........
Daughter: ... what?
Tex: xD Wow, you really are tired.

(while Jerryd was touring a group of guests around the ship)
Jerryd: ... and over there, past the café is the cigar bar.
Random dude: (laughing at his accent) Hehe, cigah bah. 8D
Jerryd: Well, how do you say it then? Cigaaaarrr baaaarrr? That better? :P

(various times throughout the cruise)
Laurence: (after blatantly insulting Tex on the microphone) ... Don't tell my boss I said that.
Tex: You know I can hear you from backstage, Laurence. |D
Laurence: Aw hell no.

(during the "Love & Marriage Show," a hilarious game where wedded couples go on stage and answer questions; the wives are asked the questions first, they write down their answers, and then the husbands backstage are asked and they try to match answers. The question was "'You haven't seen ugly until you've seen my wife's (blank),' how would your husband fill that blank?" Mike and Jill were the "midlyweds" married for like 20 years or something.)
Tex: Alright Mike, so the question is, "You haven't seen ugly until you've seen Jill's blank, how would you fill that blank?"
Mike: ... Uhhm, guess that'd be her hemorrhoid.
(everyone bursts out laughing, and Jill looks caught between xD and "OH NO YOU DI'N'T" and she actually stands up from her chair and tries stomping backstage)
Tex: xDD No wait wait wait, sit back down! You'll get your revenge later, I promise. (after everyone calms down a bit) Ah no, she said that she has a face where she can keep one eye crossed and one eye straight, she was hoping you'd say that. Probably should've said that.
Mike: Probably.

(later, during that same game)

Tex: Y'know, it's always the midlyweds that screw this one up. A few weeks back, we had a couple on this show, married for 25 years, and the guy said, "You haven't seen ugly until you've seen my wife's mother."
Audience: xDDD
Tex: Yeah, it was funny, it really was, and we all laughed - and then we realised that his mother-in-law was sitting in the third row.
Audience: (moar xDDD and variations of "oh snaaaap")
Tex: She was mad. |D She actually jumped out of her seat and was halfway up these steps, yelling at me and calling me every name in the book, and I tried telling her, "Ma'am, I have zero control over what your son-in-law says on the microphone." In fact, she was so mad, she stormed out of the theatre over the Guest Services and filed a formal written complaint against me.
Audience: :OOOO
Tex: Yeah. And believe me, she was one of the ugliest people I have ever seen in my entire life.
Audience: xDDD

(same game again - no seriously, most hilarious night ever - the question is "On a scale of one to ten, with one being the lowest and ten being the highest, give your first kiss a score and then use one word to describe it." Charlie and Kat were the newlyweds, married for only three days, the wedding being the day before the cruise.)
Charlie: Umm... I'd say a nine?
Tex: Alright, and one word to describe it?
Charlie: ... Hot?
Tex: :O Really? Well uh... Kat said something a little different here. She gave it a three and described it as "short." |D
Audience: xDDDD

(question: "What was last night like for you and your husband: Fourth of July, like fireworks; Halloween, tricks and treats; or Thanksgiving, like sleeping with a turkey?" Mel and Alfia were the "oldlyweds," married for 60-ish years)
Tex: So Mel, what was yesterday like? Fourth of July, Halloween, or Thanksgiving?
Mel: ... Actually, it was Memorial Day.
Everyone: xDDD
Tex: (trying not to laugh) Really? And uhh, why would you say that? xD
Mel: Because we were honouring the dead.
(note: I know normally this wouldn't be such a funny matter, but the context and the tone of voice he said it in made it hilarious)
Tex: xD (after everyone calms down a bit) It gets better. Alfia said it was like Halloween... because there were ghosts.
Everyone: xDDDDDD

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Don't ask me why I remember these things. I actually do have a really good memory, just for all the wrong situations. |D