Hi.

I've had this window open for at least half an hour now. And... well, sure, I know what to do with it, but... there's something intimidating about staring at a blank box that you're supposed to write in.

I mean, as a writer anyway. It mocks you with its blankness. And you know you're supposed to put something there, but you sit there with your fingers hovering over the keyboard and a million thoughts are running through your head but you don't know where to start and seconds turn to minutes and they're just flying by and then you lose them to space and all the while you never got anything down. The box is still blank.

It pisses me off when that happens.

I'm going to try attempting NaNoWriMo this year (National Novel Writing Month, for uninformed readers; you can Google it), but only as a personal goal. I don't know why, I don't feel like officially signing up and posting progress and all that.

Mostly because I don't want people reading my crap.

I finally got accepted into Toronto Western's volunteer program, but apparently my resume sucks. (To put it bluntly.) I really hate not having bucketloads of experience like some applicants do, because it makes me look really bad on these kinds of things. It's embarrassing, especially when somebody points it out. It makes me feel like I don't do anything useful with my life (... which, now that I think about it, is painfully true).

Axis Powers Hetalia has become my newest obsession. Roleplaying China made me wonder though: what would it really be like to be immortal? I could trope right here and rhetorically ask "Who Wants To Live Forever?", but that's not really the answer I'm looking for. Well... it is, but I want more. Are there really enough words — enough of the right words — to describe thousands of years of experience? I mean, trying to summarise China's history in a few paragraphs was incredibly difficult, just because there are so many things in that one country's past to talk about. Of course, I had to focus on important things like wars and leaders and relations with other countries and all that History class stuff, but the process just got me thinking... if nation personifications were real, how would they cope with all that? Being at the front lines of every war, witnessing millions getting slaughtered, seeing leaders rise and fall, watching empires be forged and defended and crumble to pieces... never connecting with people, always caring but never loving, because love is fleeting and lives are always seized by time in the end.

... That's the pessimistic route, in any case.

"In the grief of this unending world, why is it that people fight?"

It's a beautiful song.

Also, I do apologise for neglecting this blog (and not checking up on other people's blogs) for... the entirety of this summer, really. Vacations tend to make me withdraw completely from real life; yes, I know it's a bad habit. But oddly enough, I don't mind being alone that much. I suppose that can be a little concerning...

PS. I felt like doing another layout change. Now I actually know how to fiddle around with the coding and not mess things up, so that's an accomplishment.